Blooming Red Poppies in My Yard
Blog,  Learning,  Well-being

Be Nice to Yourself

There are four little words that I want to talk about today. They are “Be Nice To Yourself”. Are you nice to yourself? Most times we are nice to others, taking care of others, making sure that they have our undivided attention and presence. We extend a helping hand to everybody around us because we think we can support all, solve all the problems for all, lay a cushion when they fall, soothe the pain when they hurt.

People are good either to ignore our efforts to help or gratefully accept and ask for more. Except that when we are nice to others and forget about being nice to ourselves, we ultimately burn out and have no energy, love, compassion to share… and help.

I have heard many times: “Fill up your cup first before you are ready to share with others”. Does it mean that I need to put myself first and take care of my needs first? Often times we don’t even know what our needs are because the needs of others happen to become ours. The happiness of others turned out to become our need, which also proves that if others are not happy we can’t be happy either. This is all right and true because we do depend on each other for stability and comfort, however, we are the only ones who can make ourselves happy.

We can’t make people around us happy without being happy ourselves, because it’s up to us what we want to see in our lives: doom and gloom or hope and possibility.

Being selfish is how I would interpret “Be nice to yourself”, however giving, sharing, passing, caring, nurturing requires energy to spare. Eventually, after giving and not receiving, the vessel becomes empty, absolutely depleted and there is nothing else to give anymore.

Can I be nice to myself?

I think everybody can be nice to themselves without ignoring or hurting others. It is a matter of allowing ourselves to see our needs and attend to them first.

Most often we are nice to ourselves when we appreciate what’s good in our lives. It all comes into perspective. For some people living in a luxury apartment is not a big deal, for others running water in the house and breathing clean air is a dream come true. I have experienced those extremes of the spectrum and for me enjoying a house with modern conveniences, a land, sunshine in the morning, and glorious sunsets in the evening is the best I would ever have wanted.

Most often we are nice to ourselves when we decide what is in our control and let go of what is not. Happiness comes from within, the same as motivation does. We cannot make others happy until they choose to see good things in their lives and lean on them for support and inspiration. We can guide, direct, show examples but we can’t make a person decide what he or she wants to do with their lives.

Most often we are nice to ourselves when we allow ourselves to be present for what is happening right now at this very moment. For me being present is to slow down to a stop. We spin our wheels, rush to check the to-do list, suffer from FOMO – fear of missing out. How about just pausing and acknowledging that nothing is wrong. Everything is just the way it should be; detach from the buzz of the world; take a breath and make an intentional step.

Have I been nice to myself?

I have to admit that I haven’t. When I needed rest I kept setting the goals that I failed to reach; I didn’t acknowledge the achievements of my hard work; relying on others for the approval brought the feeling of frustration and self-doubt; my mind was everywhere and I felt like I was constantly behind. Such habits don’t work for me because they take me nowhere and drain my energy.

What is going to happen now?

The answer is: Be Nice to Yourself.

I look straight in the face of uncertainty and I plunge into what is certain: connection with the friends around the world; the health of my immediate family; our beautiful home; the land we live on; rejuvenating spring in my world. I stop to see that we are all right, healthy, and doing well. This certainty gives me the strength to move on and see the beauty in my life to lean upon and get inspired. This is being nice to myself.

Are you nice to yourself? Share about what are you doing to nurture your needs. Let’s schedule a call to talk. You are also very welcome to post in the comments below, so I can respond and support you too.

Remember, life is a journey of joy. Embrace it!

Love.

Lena

Coaching for world travelers.

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