It is about deer in my way. Nothing unusual in the neighborhood I live. Today I spent three hours of my morning communicating with the world through the phone apps and finally crawled out of my bed to get ready for my day. My husband and son left to do the chores in the town and I hurried to go on my morning jogging. While still posting and commenting on the posts in the virtual groups of my dear friends outside of the USA, I pulled my running shoes on and rushed out from the house.
Breathing in the freshness of the after-rain morning, enjoying the scarce sunrays touching my face, I ran. I had only half an hour to complete the usual distance so, I ran thinking “I have to hurry to be back on time for the on-line seminar I’d signed up earlier”.
I thought again about this habit I developed back in 2014. Running. It was in Turkmenistan first and then in Dubai. I had been thinking about jogging for a long time, but the whole idea of doing that monotonous one step over the next seemed so boring and mundane to me. Besides, feeling my heart pumping and me struggling with my breath caused a kind of anxious sensation in me – so for a long time I could not grasp the connection of me and running.
Today was special. I ran and I loved it. I ran and I was fine. It started raining again. I thought I would be drenched by the time I am finished. I was back on our driveway, which makes a nice curve up the hill leading to our house. On its bottom it feels like you are in the middle of nowhere – the neighbor’s house is not in the view, mine is hidden on the top of the hill, and there is only the paved road in the front and the back and the tall pine trees and grass around.
Suddenly, I saw it. The fawn was standing at the edge of the driveway, looking with its innocent eyes at me. I stopped. My heart was pounding and I felt fear. I believe that was the fear of awe. Strange, fear and awe bring up the same sensation. I was afraid that I would scare a little deer, but I also wanted to see it better and admire its gentle beauty. I stood motionless, watching him. I told myself to calm down and relax, not to move. I wanted to see him closer. The next thing, the fawn moved toward me. “OMG,” I thought. “Is he crazy?” How quickly I assumed that it was not OK for a little deer to come close to me. I was wrong. He or she approached me. Closer and closer the little one was stepping forward. I was standing on the road, trying to relax my excitement and pretend that I cannot be any danger to this little baby deer. He came very close, VERY close. I could have touched his soft fur if I dared to stretched my arm. I was afraid to spook him so I did not move. I watched. He stretched his head toward me twitching his nose, sniffling obviously. I saw the white spots on his back. There were two rows of spots on both sides along his spine and many scattered all over his body. His hind legs were still not very strong. He stepped, the skin quivered, he sniffed and moved past me. I heard a faint sound and realized that that was a warning signal coming from somewhere. The fawn made a leap behind me and then walked slowly into the thick grass on the side of the driveway.
I continued my walk up the driveway. On the other side of the road I saw the mom – a doe watching me intently. “Your baby is there,” I said pointing behind me. She seemed to have little care or worry. She just stood and watched me going my way.
I thought – what an encounter! Deer in my way. Nothing special in our neighborhood. It means that rose bushes will be eaten to the core, gladioluses might not survive, neither hydrangeas, lilacs, lilies, and raspberries. Oh, well. This fawn is special. He trusted my presence and accepted me in his world, so I have to return the favor.
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