Self portrait
Parenting

I Dreaded the Start of the School Year

I didn’t want to wake up in the morning.

The other day I was getting ready to go to bed, giving kisses and hugs to my husband and our son, wishing everybody “Good night!” All of a sudden, I was struck with a thought, “I don’t want to wake up in the morning.” It scared me. “How foolish of me to think like that” I had that mind chat. “Everything is fine”.

I guess it was not. The summer was coming to the end and I was dreading the start of the school year.  I was thinking about my son’s going to the 8th grade and the turbulent teenager’s mind. I was worried about my husband’s health and the cooler temperatures inevitably bringing germs, colds, and flues. I was concerned about my family getting sick, ending up in the emergency care with aggravated heart failure like it happened three times last year with my husband. I wasn’t satisfied with the development of my coaching practice and was annoyed with having to go back to the substitute teacher pool. In fact, even the idea of being a sub teacher again this year gives me bouts of anxiety to the point that I feel cramps in my stomach and nausea.

I felt very worried and scared. I am tired of all of this worry and I am concerned that the thought of not wanting to wake up in the morning visited my mind. This is not the place I want to be.

I choose to be a content, free, creative person, doing things that inspire me and bring vitality and joy to my life.

I gave in to the flow of emotion, cried it out, wrote on the paper, whatever crap was coming out of my system. It did feel like dirt, washing off me. That old broken record, that I cannot do things right, I am not smart enough, nobody loves me or I cannot be loved – it felt like dirt stuck to my soul. I had to wash it off with the power washer. I did it! I promise I am not going back.

Today is a different morning – the first day of school.

I was up early, taking one step at a time. I didn’t have big plans. My main goal was to set up my son for success on his first day of school. That meant me being happy, being able to fix us a nice breakfast, staying positive and optimistic about the new beginning and passing this energy along to my family.

It’s a big task as I look back now. I made it through with love, dignity, and compassion. Taking one step at a time and celebrating each moment of this morning. That was a deliberate intention and I was focused on only one thing – keeping myself and my family happy this morning.

Anton came out to the breakfast announcing that he has Art and PE teacher assistant as electives this semester. It was a surprise about Art since that was not his choice. Last year he wanted Art, but he was not selected. This year his last year’s wish was granted. A miracle to celebrate!

So, Art and sports will occupy his better half of the school day. I guess this is the best arrangement for my favorite teenager. He is a creative kid and I am grateful he is fond of sports. It is going to be good for him, exciting, challenging enough, stimulating his mind and creative juices. I know he’ll enjoy being in school this year and I am happy for him.

Anton gobbled his breakfast as he usually does. Steak and eggs at his father’s request is a breakfast for a champion.   And this is what we’ve got today. It was wonderful, sweet, beautiful and felt amazingly, deliciously awesome to start the day and the school year this way.

I am feeling all right. I achieved my goal for the morning and now I am celebrating it moving on working on my business development. This is how I want it to be. I will move on, praying, surrendering to joy and celebrating my life being a loving mom and a devoted wife. I am leaning to a certainty that the Universe will conspire for my success.

Tell me about your first day of the school year? What did you do to make your morning just right?

Life is a journey of joy! Embrace it.

Much love.

Yours.

Lena

For more about the beginning of the school year follow the link https://www.lenasouth.com/love-yourself-to-love-your-child-2/

 

Coaching for world travelers.

2 Comments

  • Hanna Artiuhivska

    Dear Lena, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on a difficult point of your life. We all humans and we all having times like this. There was a point in my life, when I forthed myself into positive thinking, forbidding myself to think about my failures and fears. I ended up in the great depression.

    You are right on letting it out again and again. You are right on concentrating on small steps.

    I have started this school year with lovering my expectations and giving my son more freedom. We will see what will come out of it.

    • Lena South

      Hi, Hanna,
      thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Lowering expectations and giving more freedom to your son can certainly create a good ground for building trust and understanding. I know you enjoy and appreciate spending time with your son. I am sure you both can benefit a lot from celebrating the change of seasons. Have fun!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *